March 2012 in a Nutshell

I could drag all these stories out for years, but I'm adding new stories daily, so I'm going to try to give you "the short of it."

(Think, announcer voice in your head)
Ladies and Gentlemen!
I give you...March of Twenty-twelve!

There was the surgery in which Darby ripped the IV out, threw up all over Kingdom come and tried to rip her hospital gown off.  I told you all the details surrounding that one here.

After that episode, March just FLEW by!  There was:
...the time we took her hiking, and she threw her glasses down a crevace.  Fortunately, we were able to carefully retrieve them using a stick and some mad skills.
...the time I didn't make it downstairs in time, and she had gone to the pantry, stolen pink chocolate melting wafers, and started eating them.  Fortunately, she figured out how to work the twist tie, because she already had the kitchen shears ready and waiting!  Consequently, I don't know why she had an entire bag of plastic knives, forks and spoons waiting.  Were they to be used with her little snack?
...the time I took them to the museum park in our town (remember, this is MARCH).  My friend dressed her child in a swimsuit.  I know, it was a fine March day, but we live in Pennsylvania for cryin' out loud!  Who goes to swim in a creek in MARCH in PENNSYL...VANIA?  Darby went in fully clothed.  A filthy, muddy mess was she.
...the time she walked into that giant ball contraption at Walmart and wouldn't come out.

Status update: March 19th:  I can't chase Darby around forever, so I'm going to go run 5 miles. 
...right.  Like I wouldn't have had to chase Darby around for another five miles as soon as I got home?  

...the time she made her own snack in the kitchen (in one of my new bowls):  Frosted mini wheats, strawberry shortcake yogurt and chocolate chips...and then dropped said bowl and it's contents on the floor, shattering said bowl, all contents and my patience.

And finally, we moved on to April, but we ended this month of nonstop action with one last hoorah:
...I was standing at the end of the driveway, waiting for Naomi's bus to come.  Darby was standing right next to me munching on a handful of chocolate chips (of course), only it wasn't chocolate chips.  It was dog food.

I realize that's roughly two "incidents" a week.  I cannot seem to keep up with the speed at which she commits these "offenses."  I also do not think I should subscribe to the "if you can't beat them, join 'em" idea in this case.  For starters, I do not like dog food.  She's still going strong in this "destructive" stage, but I have learned  how to "Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast" this little red pixie of mine.  If life is a game of Survivor, 
I. 
WILL. 
SURVIVE.