Monday, I decided to tackle Tate's room. I pulled out an embarrassing amount of TRASH from underneath his bed. I cleaned his room for FOUR HOURS. I felt a twinge of guilt spending all this time cleaning Tate's room when we had an overnight guest coming that evening, but our guest swings through a lot when he's on the road, and he's more like family now, and family doesn't judge when your house is trashed, right? No? Okay, well, I guess I stopped caring then.
Anyhow, you might be thinking, "What was Darby up to when you were cleaning for four hours?" Answer: I don't know. (Joke...sort of) Sometimes, you "gotta do what you gotta do," right? She kept running in, tripping over stuff and running out, so I knew she was still alive. After my marathon cleaning session, I did a couple loads of laundry, grocery shopping, made dinner, and all the sudden it was time for soccer and my five mile run. Dallas got home from work, and sort of started freaking out because DVDs were thrown all over our living room. That's a daily occurrence in the Hills household, and I see them more as "accessories" than DVDs strewn across the floor at this point in life. On top of the DVDs, Darby, once again, dug the dirt out of my favorite plant in my favorite corner. I knew all this would happen! It's nothing new! I just chose to overlook the somewhat catastrophic look of my family room. Our friend, who is yet to become a parent, would have to overlook the mess (in my opinion). My run would take precedence. I mean, really, you have to prioritize, folks! Come on! Not Dallas's thought...at all. He was willing to make the kids late for soccer in order to pick up the DVDs. I told him to take the kids, and I'd deal with the mess. He left for soccer. The way I saw it after this is that I had to choose between vacuuming up the dirt OR picking up the DVDs. I chose the DVDs. Remember, I'd been cleaning all day long. I was one swipe of the vacuum away from the local mental hospital. So, after I straightened, I left for my run.
After soccer, we drove home, and our friend had arrived.
Awhile later, he said, "You want the good news, or the bad news?" I always take the "bad news" first, given the choice, because sometimes the "good news" makes you feel better after hearing "bad news". Dallas chose the "good news." Our friend looked a little disappointed and then confessed, "Well, there really isn't any good news. I looked over in the corner (pointing to my favorite plant), and there's dirt everywhere." He looked a little unsure...you know, kinda "feeling us out" to see how we would react. I gave a throw of the hand, "Oh, that happens almost daily." He looked a little taken aback at our reaction. "Dog?" He questioned, to which Dallas and I both replied in unison, "Darby." But, seriously, man! Haven't you HEARD the stories?!
The way I see it, a little bit of dirt is WAY better than the pile of petrified dog poo that was in our basement last Spring when he came through...
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I'll take that...and put it in my water glass.
I don't know why Darby does this, but any time there's an available and accessible water glass, she takes the nearest inanimate object and tosses it in. Let me give you an example...
The other day, I was out clipping back my perennials in the yard. I had a cup of water sitting nearby because it was a pretty warm day. I knew better, really. It's not like this is the first time this has happened. Darby took the garden shovel and plopped it right in my cup. That's just one of many, many, instances. Last night's example was the best.
We took the kids out to Dairy Queen for buy one, get one for 99 cents blizzards after soccer practice. After we sat down (Do anyone else's kids still insist on sitting in booster seats when they're readily available...just because it's fun-even Naomi's "Felicity" doll had a booster seat! I didn't even fit in the BOOTH!) and began eating, Naomi dropped her spoon on the seat. She picked it up and plopped it back into her M&M/Brownie blizzard, at which point I said, "Naomi? That has 'butt germs' on it now, and you just put it back in your blizzard!" The look on her face was hilarious...a mixture of disgust and hilarity. She climbed out of her own booster, and somehow maneuvered over Felicity's booster, and went to get another spoon. At this point, you're probably wondering if this post has anything to do with Darby. Yes. It does. See, DARBY, will seize any opportunity to create havoc. I'm sure she learned that from her brother. Darby, realizing that the "butt germ" spoon was very near Naomi's drinking water, grabbed the spoon, and plopped it into the water cup, of course! Sometimes, I wonder what's going through Darby's head. Was she trying to clean the spoon off for her sister? Did she just want to know what would happen to the water if she did it? Who knows? Dallas sprang into action, grabbed the spoon, and Dallas, Tate and I just looked at each other with a widespread look of panic...a "What do we do?! What do we say?!" kind of moment. Seconds later, Naomi returned victorious with her new spoon. "Look! It's shorter than the last one!" No one said a thing. We laughed and laughed and laughed, but no one told her. I sat there looking into the slightly murky water cup as Naomi took a sip. We all laughed. Naomi never knew, and I don't think Darby knew either.
God bless Dairy Queen.
The other day, I was out clipping back my perennials in the yard. I had a cup of water sitting nearby because it was a pretty warm day. I knew better, really. It's not like this is the first time this has happened. Darby took the garden shovel and plopped it right in my cup. That's just one of many, many, instances. Last night's example was the best.
We took the kids out to Dairy Queen for buy one, get one for 99 cents blizzards after soccer practice. After we sat down (Do anyone else's kids still insist on sitting in booster seats when they're readily available...just because it's fun-even Naomi's "Felicity" doll had a booster seat! I didn't even fit in the BOOTH!) and began eating, Naomi dropped her spoon on the seat. She picked it up and plopped it back into her M&M/Brownie blizzard, at which point I said, "Naomi? That has 'butt germs' on it now, and you just put it back in your blizzard!" The look on her face was hilarious...a mixture of disgust and hilarity. She climbed out of her own booster, and somehow maneuvered over Felicity's booster, and went to get another spoon. At this point, you're probably wondering if this post has anything to do with Darby. Yes. It does. See, DARBY, will seize any opportunity to create havoc. I'm sure she learned that from her brother. Darby, realizing that the "butt germ" spoon was very near Naomi's drinking water, grabbed the spoon, and plopped it into the water cup, of course! Sometimes, I wonder what's going through Darby's head. Was she trying to clean the spoon off for her sister? Did she just want to know what would happen to the water if she did it? Who knows? Dallas sprang into action, grabbed the spoon, and Dallas, Tate and I just looked at each other with a widespread look of panic...a "What do we do?! What do we say?!" kind of moment. Seconds later, Naomi returned victorious with her new spoon. "Look! It's shorter than the last one!" No one said a thing. We laughed and laughed and laughed, but no one told her. I sat there looking into the slightly murky water cup as Naomi took a sip. We all laughed. Naomi never knew, and I don't think Darby knew either.
God bless Dairy Queen.
Monday, September 10, 2012
HOW DARE YOU!
If any of y'all are country music fans, you have, no doubt, heart Miranda Lambert's tribute to her husband's (Blake Shelton) brother, who passed away. I just love the simplicity of this song. You can almost empathize with her on her husband's behalf.
Confession: I'm a big time car singer. I sing all the time, and I sing loudly. Darby is taking after me. She'll be in the back seat, and she'll hear a song she likes. She'll call out, "TURN IT UP!" Then, she'll say, "SING IT, MOMMY!" I didn't really understand that she was learning vocabulary and beginning to use it in context until this song came around.
One day, after hearing this song, one of Darby's siblings took something from her, and I heard her angrily declare, "HOW DARE YOU, NAOMI! HOW DARE YOU!" She even said it in context, which I found fascinating!
Darby knows more lyrics to more songs than I know at this point! Pontoon, by Little Big Town, is another Darby fav. I just hope she doesn't pick up Tim McGraw's "TRUCK YEAH"!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
"God Spankins"
August 12th, 2012:
"I've never had 'THAT kid' before. I've never had 'THE BITER,' that is, until today. The culprit? Guess...go ahead...GUESS who bit her friend today at church. You guessed correctly."
I'm pretty sure most of our friends and acquaintances from church have long since gotten wind of Darby's escapades. She gallops all the way up to sign in every Sunday morning. She jumps the entire time I sign her in...so much so, that I have a hard time getting her name tag sticker on her back without sticking it to her bouncing red curls. I'm pretty sure several of our pastors read these stories. Know how I know? They are now walking up to me at church like I'm some victim of a redheaded horror story. You know, the girl who screams when the zombie or killer rings the doorbell, but proceeds to run all the way up to the attic instead of out the back door? Haha! Yes. That kind of victim...but I'm no victim. If I had some run-of-the-mill kid, I'd be bored stiff. A girl needs excitement sometimes, and I have excitement ALL the time! Anyhow, after I sign her in and finally manuever the sticker into place, it's time to hike up to the third floor to drop her off.
They have this strange half door thing going on in the two-year-old classroom, and they always have this clipboard teetering on the edge. So, most mornings, I chase Darby up the stairs, through the hallway and catch the clipboard as it falls to the ground while Darby lets herself in to class, does some victory jumps and says "hi" to her friends. The room stops. Kids stop playing. Teachers stop teaching. Darby has arrived. She is now the center of attention, right where she likes to be. Nothin' like getting your blood pumping before worship, y'all!
You know, you've all heard of "the biter." You know the one. The one who terrorizes the children at preschool? The kid at kiddie watch at the YMCA who bites...it's so bad, in fact, that when he's there, you decide not to run that day? Yeah...that kid. WELL. I have that kid. I picked Darby up from church one fine Sunday morning, and the sweet lady who runs the children's ministry very kindly told me that Darby had to sit in the "naughty chair" because she bit Noah. The absolute first thing that went through my head was, "Oh, great. Now I have 'THAT KID'." I didn't let her have her lollipop that day. The sky may as well have been falling, so extreme was her reaction to missing out on her Sunday morning highlight.
The "naughty chair" is beginning to be a Sunday morning tradition. Darby threw a book up in the air last Sunday, and it came down and hit her on the head. You know what I call those sorts of events?
"God spankins," aka. "self critiquing mistakes." Don't you worry your pretty little mind. She ALSO gets disciplined, but the "God spankins" just add a little sweetness to the joy of being a mother. It's like He is on my side, and He is! I'm trying to raise my Little Red Pixie to be a Big red Pixie who loves the Lord her God with all her heart, mind, soul and strength!
And, since "it takes a village," I am happy to hear that I have a team of people who are graciously sitting her little bottom in the "naughty chair...and then giving her a lollipop. !)
July 31st, 2012:
"Darby snuck out of the house when I was vacuuming, went down the hill to play on our neighbor's play set and got stung by a bee. Can anyone say self critiquing mistake?"
"I've never had 'THAT kid' before. I've never had 'THE BITER,' that is, until today. The culprit? Guess...go ahead...GUESS who bit her friend today at church. You guessed correctly."
I'm pretty sure most of our friends and acquaintances from church have long since gotten wind of Darby's escapades. She gallops all the way up to sign in every Sunday morning. She jumps the entire time I sign her in...so much so, that I have a hard time getting her name tag sticker on her back without sticking it to her bouncing red curls. I'm pretty sure several of our pastors read these stories. Know how I know? They are now walking up to me at church like I'm some victim of a redheaded horror story. You know, the girl who screams when the zombie or killer rings the doorbell, but proceeds to run all the way up to the attic instead of out the back door? Haha! Yes. That kind of victim...but I'm no victim. If I had some run-of-the-mill kid, I'd be bored stiff. A girl needs excitement sometimes, and I have excitement ALL the time! Anyhow, after I sign her in and finally manuever the sticker into place, it's time to hike up to the third floor to drop her off.
They have this strange half door thing going on in the two-year-old classroom, and they always have this clipboard teetering on the edge. So, most mornings, I chase Darby up the stairs, through the hallway and catch the clipboard as it falls to the ground while Darby lets herself in to class, does some victory jumps and says "hi" to her friends. The room stops. Kids stop playing. Teachers stop teaching. Darby has arrived. She is now the center of attention, right where she likes to be. Nothin' like getting your blood pumping before worship, y'all!
You know, you've all heard of "the biter." You know the one. The one who terrorizes the children at preschool? The kid at kiddie watch at the YMCA who bites...it's so bad, in fact, that when he's there, you decide not to run that day? Yeah...that kid. WELL. I have that kid. I picked Darby up from church one fine Sunday morning, and the sweet lady who runs the children's ministry very kindly told me that Darby had to sit in the "naughty chair" because she bit Noah. The absolute first thing that went through my head was, "Oh, great. Now I have 'THAT KID'." I didn't let her have her lollipop that day. The sky may as well have been falling, so extreme was her reaction to missing out on her Sunday morning highlight.
The "naughty chair" is beginning to be a Sunday morning tradition. Darby threw a book up in the air last Sunday, and it came down and hit her on the head. You know what I call those sorts of events?
"God spankins," aka. "self critiquing mistakes." Don't you worry your pretty little mind. She ALSO gets disciplined, but the "God spankins" just add a little sweetness to the joy of being a mother. It's like He is on my side, and He is! I'm trying to raise my Little Red Pixie to be a Big red Pixie who loves the Lord her God with all her heart, mind, soul and strength!
And, since "it takes a village," I am happy to hear that I have a team of people who are graciously sitting her little bottom in the "naughty chair...and then giving her a lollipop. !)
July 31st, 2012:
"Darby snuck out of the house when I was vacuuming, went down the hill to play on our neighbor's play set and got stung by a bee. Can anyone say self critiquing mistake?"
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Was I locked IN, or was she locked OUT?
There was one day toward the end of summer when my two big kids were out playing at friends' houses. Darby and I had been playing dolls in her room for about an hour, when I decided it was her nap time. I told her it was time for a nap, and she reminded me that her blankie was downstairs. I said, "Well, go get it real fast!" She replied, "Okay," and ran out of her room. The next thing I know, I'm locked in her room. I tried to coach her to unlock the door. No gold. I temporarily freaked out because the big kids weren't supposed to be home for a good, solid hour, and who knows what kind of damage Darby could do in that amount of time given free reign of the house!
After several minutes, and after realizing that this was NOT working, I decided to open the window and yell for Tate (can you picture this ridiculous scenario?). We have a very friendly neighborhood, and people are always out and about, so I would just wait there, yelling out the window. Unfortunately, on this fine August day, NO one was coming by. The birds weren't even chirping! I was all...alone....locked in Darby's room, trying to keep her entertained enough to stay right outside the door while sprinting from door to window so I didn't miss any passers-by. Several minutes later, some "Good Samaritans," my next door neighbor's son and friend, came by. I think Thomas is in sixth grade this year. Here's how it went down:
Me (yelling out the window to Thomas and friend who were across the street): "THOMAS!!! THOMAS!!! DO YOU SEE ME?!!!"
Thomas (tentatively): "Yeah!"
Me: "Thomas! Can you go in my garage and come upstairs to unlock Darby's room? I'm locked in!!!"
(Remember, the kid's in sixth grade. And, even sixth graders understand the incredulousness of this situation)
Thomas: "Are you kidding?"
Me (to myself): "NO, I'm not kidding! Are you for real?! Why would I make this UP?! (all while laughing, fully recognizing the absurdity of this request)"
Me (to Thomas): "NO, I'm not kidding! I'm locked in here!"
Thomas: "Okay. I'll be right up!"
Thankfully, during our interchange, Darby did not leave the door, and Thomas and friend quickly ran upstairs and let me out. In total, I was probably only locked in about 10 minutes, but it was a long 10 minutes! And, I'm happy to have left Thomas and friend a story to tell for years to come!
August 10th, 2012:
"Guess who just locked me in a room?! You guessed correctly! Thank goodness for Thomas walking by! I had to shout out for him to come in through the garage and let me out! He thought I was kidding at first! Oh, dear little Thomas...mothers of Darbies do NOT kid around!"
After several minutes, and after realizing that this was NOT working, I decided to open the window and yell for Tate (can you picture this ridiculous scenario?). We have a very friendly neighborhood, and people are always out and about, so I would just wait there, yelling out the window. Unfortunately, on this fine August day, NO one was coming by. The birds weren't even chirping! I was all...alone....locked in Darby's room, trying to keep her entertained enough to stay right outside the door while sprinting from door to window so I didn't miss any passers-by. Several minutes later, some "Good Samaritans," my next door neighbor's son and friend, came by. I think Thomas is in sixth grade this year. Here's how it went down:
Me (yelling out the window to Thomas and friend who were across the street): "THOMAS!!! THOMAS!!! DO YOU SEE ME?!!!"
Thomas (tentatively): "Yeah!"
Me: "Thomas! Can you go in my garage and come upstairs to unlock Darby's room? I'm locked in!!!"
(Remember, the kid's in sixth grade. And, even sixth graders understand the incredulousness of this situation)
Thomas: "Are you kidding?"
Me (to myself): "NO, I'm not kidding! Are you for real?! Why would I make this UP?! (all while laughing, fully recognizing the absurdity of this request)"
Me (to Thomas): "NO, I'm not kidding! I'm locked in here!"
Thomas: "Okay. I'll be right up!"
Thankfully, during our interchange, Darby did not leave the door, and Thomas and friend quickly ran upstairs and let me out. In total, I was probably only locked in about 10 minutes, but it was a long 10 minutes! And, I'm happy to have left Thomas and friend a story to tell for years to come!
August 10th, 2012:
"Guess who just locked me in a room?! You guessed correctly! Thank goodness for Thomas walking by! I had to shout out for him to come in through the garage and let me out! He thought I was kidding at first! Oh, dear little Thomas...mothers of Darbies do NOT kid around!"
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Status updates~July/August 2012
To play a little catch up, Here are some status updates from July and August accompanied by a short narration if necessary. Enjoy!
July 18th, 2012:
"Why does the redhead scream so much?! I don't get it! Is the red trying to get out?!"
So, some of you might judge me here, but you can't keep an eye on your kids 24/7, and I can't exactly vacuum while she's napping, so here goes:
July 31st, 2012:
"Darby snuck out of the house when I was vacuuming, went down the hill to play on our neighbor's play set and got stung by a bee. Can anyone say self critiquing mistake?"
August 5th, 2012:
"Me: 'Darby, go ride the plasma car.'
Darby: 'No! I wanna ride a unicorn.'
Me: 'No.'"
The next two statuses followed the infamous eye doctor appointment where I lost Darby:
August 6th, 2012:
"Off to Rockville for Darby's opthamology appointment. Really looking forward to getting new glasses, breaking them, ordering new ones only to have her bend them and making, say, 10 new trips up to the eyeglasses place for "adjustments" (note: heavy sarcasm)."
August 8th, 2012:
"About to make trip #1 to get Darby fitted for a new pair of spectacles. 'Jesus, help me!'"
We were invited to the pool with some friends. After chasing Darby around all day, keeping her afloat and alive, she decided it was time to go off the diving board. I stood right there and pulled her up out of the pool over and over and over while she jumped and jumped and jumped. She's fearless...
August 8th, 2012:
"Darby had to have gone off the diving board 20 times today!"
August 9th, 2012:
"Darby just asked Dallas if she could get married."
Darby, somehow, tore a hole in her pullups. It was a vertical tear right along her butt crack. I've had two other kids wear pullups without mishap! Only on Darby...
August 10th, 2012:
"Well, THIS has never happened to me before! Brings new meaning to 'split you're britches'!"
July 18th, 2012:
"Why does the redhead scream so much?! I don't get it! Is the red trying to get out?!"
So, some of you might judge me here, but you can't keep an eye on your kids 24/7, and I can't exactly vacuum while she's napping, so here goes:
July 31st, 2012:
"Darby snuck out of the house when I was vacuuming, went down the hill to play on our neighbor's play set and got stung by a bee. Can anyone say self critiquing mistake?"
August 5th, 2012:
"Me: 'Darby, go ride the plasma car.'
Darby: 'No! I wanna ride a unicorn.'
Me: 'No.'"
The next two statuses followed the infamous eye doctor appointment where I lost Darby:
August 6th, 2012:
"Off to Rockville for Darby's opthamology appointment. Really looking forward to getting new glasses, breaking them, ordering new ones only to have her bend them and making, say, 10 new trips up to the eyeglasses place for "adjustments" (note: heavy sarcasm)."
August 8th, 2012:
"About to make trip #1 to get Darby fitted for a new pair of spectacles. 'Jesus, help me!'"
We were invited to the pool with some friends. After chasing Darby around all day, keeping her afloat and alive, she decided it was time to go off the diving board. I stood right there and pulled her up out of the pool over and over and over while she jumped and jumped and jumped. She's fearless...
August 8th, 2012:
"Darby had to have gone off the diving board 20 times today!"
August 9th, 2012:
"Darby just asked Dallas if she could get married."
Darby, somehow, tore a hole in her pullups. It was a vertical tear right along her butt crack. I've had two other kids wear pullups without mishap! Only on Darby...
August 10th, 2012:
"Well, THIS has never happened to me before! Brings new meaning to 'split you're britches'!"
Monday, September 3, 2012
Babysitters are different than DARBYsitters.
Babysitter: n. 1. A person engaged to care for one or more children in the temporary absence of parents or guardians. 2. A person who cares for or watches over someone or something that needs attention or guidance.
DARBYsitter: n. 1. A person engaged to care for and hopefully keep alive, one little redhead in the temporary absence of parents. 2. A person willing to risk life and limb to keep a redhead alive for several hours.
There is a difference...a LARGE difference, between a BABYsitter and a DARBYsitter.
A babysitter is required to change diapers, play, possibly feed children a small snack or meal, and possibly put children to bed. I try to spoil my sitters. I order pizzas for dinner. My kids are always in their pajamas, and I'm fine with them watching a pre bedtime movie. It's usually a pretty easy job, and I pay well.
A DARBYsitter MUST be a different breed. My assessment of whether or not one can stand the test of time when considering whether or not she will be hired for the job is based on three things:
1. Does she have experience with young children?
2. Does she work well under pressure?
3. When the water boils, do I think she'd crawl into the fetal position?
Not everyone makes the cut.
When I return, I always carefully assess my sitter's face. Is she pale? Does she look overly stressed? Is she sweating? Has she been crying? I know the symptoms of DPTSD (Darby Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I perpetually live life experiencing them. Most importantly, are Darby AND the babysitter still alive? After assessing those things, I dreadfully ask how it went. Most of the time, I get a "it went well," although most of the time, I think they're lying through their teeth. It's all good, so long as I still have a select few who would be willing to risk life and limb to help on occasion.
One time, I came home, and one of Dallas's grilling knives was on the counter. You know, the ones that are two feet long? They're more like machetes than knives, and I'm convinced that they're all for show. I think he uses it to feel powerful in front of his grill. That day, Darby must have wanted the power trip, because she somehow got it out of a locked cupboard and ran up to the sitter with it. The sitter said she "turned around for a second, and Darby came running up with it." You know what? I totally believe her. I'm just happy Darby didn't impale herself!
On the first day of school, I got a sitter for Darby so a friend of mine and I could go grab coffee sans children. A celebration of freedom, so-to-speak. Starbucks is 25 minutes from my house, but I make the drive...because I'm addicted. Right as we were pulling in to Starbucks, I got the dreaded phone call from home. It was my sitter:
Sitter: "Kelly?"
Me: "Oh, Hi, Sitter, how's it going?"
Sitter: "Weeell...Darby locked herself in the study."
Me: "Okay, you're going to have to look on top of the door frames for the little door unlocker things, okay? If you don't find one, you're going to have to call your house (next door), and ask for someone to bring you one of yours. If it works in your house, it'll work in ours. Okay?"
Sitter: "Okay."
Me: "I'll call you back in five."
My friend, having heard my end of the conversation, and after putting two-and-two together:
Friend: "Darby locked the babysitter out?"
Me: "Yep."
Friend: "HOW do you do it? I mean, how are you not totally freaking out right now?!"
Me: "I guess I just don't really freak out about stuff. I mean, what would that do for me now? I'm 25 minutes from home."
After my friend and I got our coffee, I called my sitter back. She had gotten Darby out of the study successfully, and was not in the fetal position, so I felt like I could stay out for awhile. My friend was still overly shocked at "how well I took things." I finally said, "You have to realize, this sort of stuff happens four or five times a DAY at my house. It's nothing new!" She agreed, and we enjoyed our "freedom" for another hour or so, and thankfully, both sitter and Darby were still alive upon my return.
I claim small victories.
That was one of them.
If you are a sitter of mine, you are valued.
You are cherished.
You are appreciated!
Your efforts do NOT go unnoticed!
And, Please!
Please!
Please!
Please!
...sit for us again! We need you!
DARBYsitter: n. 1. A person engaged to care for and hopefully keep alive, one little redhead in the temporary absence of parents. 2. A person willing to risk life and limb to keep a redhead alive for several hours.
There is a difference...a LARGE difference, between a BABYsitter and a DARBYsitter.
A babysitter is required to change diapers, play, possibly feed children a small snack or meal, and possibly put children to bed. I try to spoil my sitters. I order pizzas for dinner. My kids are always in their pajamas, and I'm fine with them watching a pre bedtime movie. It's usually a pretty easy job, and I pay well.
A DARBYsitter MUST be a different breed. My assessment of whether or not one can stand the test of time when considering whether or not she will be hired for the job is based on three things:
1. Does she have experience with young children?
2. Does she work well under pressure?
3. When the water boils, do I think she'd crawl into the fetal position?
Not everyone makes the cut.
When I return, I always carefully assess my sitter's face. Is she pale? Does she look overly stressed? Is she sweating? Has she been crying? I know the symptoms of DPTSD (Darby Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I perpetually live life experiencing them. Most importantly, are Darby AND the babysitter still alive? After assessing those things, I dreadfully ask how it went. Most of the time, I get a "it went well," although most of the time, I think they're lying through their teeth. It's all good, so long as I still have a select few who would be willing to risk life and limb to help on occasion.
One time, I came home, and one of Dallas's grilling knives was on the counter. You know, the ones that are two feet long? They're more like machetes than knives, and I'm convinced that they're all for show. I think he uses it to feel powerful in front of his grill. That day, Darby must have wanted the power trip, because she somehow got it out of a locked cupboard and ran up to the sitter with it. The sitter said she "turned around for a second, and Darby came running up with it." You know what? I totally believe her. I'm just happy Darby didn't impale herself!
On the first day of school, I got a sitter for Darby so a friend of mine and I could go grab coffee sans children. A celebration of freedom, so-to-speak. Starbucks is 25 minutes from my house, but I make the drive...because I'm addicted. Right as we were pulling in to Starbucks, I got the dreaded phone call from home. It was my sitter:
Sitter: "Kelly?"
Me: "Oh, Hi, Sitter, how's it going?"
Sitter: "Weeell...Darby locked herself in the study."
Me: "Okay, you're going to have to look on top of the door frames for the little door unlocker things, okay? If you don't find one, you're going to have to call your house (next door), and ask for someone to bring you one of yours. If it works in your house, it'll work in ours. Okay?"
Sitter: "Okay."
Me: "I'll call you back in five."
My friend, having heard my end of the conversation, and after putting two-and-two together:
Friend: "Darby locked the babysitter out?"
Me: "Yep."
Friend: "HOW do you do it? I mean, how are you not totally freaking out right now?!"
Me: "I guess I just don't really freak out about stuff. I mean, what would that do for me now? I'm 25 minutes from home."
After my friend and I got our coffee, I called my sitter back. She had gotten Darby out of the study successfully, and was not in the fetal position, so I felt like I could stay out for awhile. My friend was still overly shocked at "how well I took things." I finally said, "You have to realize, this sort of stuff happens four or five times a DAY at my house. It's nothing new!" She agreed, and we enjoyed our "freedom" for another hour or so, and thankfully, both sitter and Darby were still alive upon my return.
I claim small victories.
That was one of them.
If you are a sitter of mine, you are valued.
You are cherished.
You are appreciated!
Your efforts do NOT go unnoticed!
And, Please!
Please!
Please!
Please!
...sit for us again! We need you!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
A trip to the Baby Chasing Eye Doctor.
Both of my daughters have Strabismus and some amblyopia. That means they have some muscle issues of the eye. The problem showed up in Darby just before her first birthday, so we are frequent fliers down at the pediatric opthamologist, which is an hour and a half drive from home. Yes, there are specialists closer, but when it comes to eyes, it's only the best for my girls. I don't mess around. So, I have been happily making the drive about four times a year to date.
I just love Darby's Ped. Opth. You can tell the man just loves his job, and because of that, I love him. He is so genuine, happy, good with kids, and lastly, he has impeccable bedside manners, but he blew my mind on this particular trip.
After the doctor took a look at Darby, he chatted with her. I told him that we were driving the other day, and she asked if she could have a cappucino. He busted up laughing, and then I told him that we had two young friends come over the other night, and she offered them Mojitos (more laughter). He said he could have used a Mojito the previous night (him and me, both). I then explained that I have no idea where she got the idea, because we don't even have the ingredients to make those in our house! And, we don't order them when we go out. I told him that I could go on and on with stories like that, and that I was thinking about writing a book with all her shenanigans, that it would be similar to the book "Marley and Me." More laughter. So, we made our way to the door, and Darby slipped out while I received my instructions to come back in three months. I gathered Tate and Naomi, and we exited the room not 4 seconds after the Redhead. Darby was gone.
I don't easily freak out about stuff, so I just looked down the hallway, asked the secretary and nurses if they had seen her leave the room, and then looked in the waiting area. No Darby. I ran down the other hall. No Darby. In no time, the nurse manager was running the halls with me. I told Tate to go one way, and Naomi and I went the other way. I stopped by the elevators to see if she had gone by there. I stopped by random rooms to see if she had joined someone else's appointment. I ran, ran, ran, and so did her Pediatric Opthamologist and an army of nurses. We were ALL chasing Darby on the second floor of Children's National Medical Center. When I had run two laps, I ran back past our doctor's area again and heard her doctor exclaim, get this, IN THE ROOM WE HAD JUST EXITED, "Darby! HOW did you get back in HERE?!" He was still all smiles. That's why the man gets 3 gold stars. He was astonished. A few nurses ran in when they heard him exclaim, "I FOUND HER!" I then heard him explain, "I don't KNOW! Her mom left the room not 10 seconds after she did!" I ran in, thanked the doctor profusely, and made some sort of joke about how I was going home to start my book that very day.
Basically, Darby almost threw the entire hospital under lock down that day. We almost amber alerted the place. I have NO IDEA how she left the room, disappeared, then then reappeared in the same room she left without a SINGLE SOUL seeing it happen. The thought of it STILL baffles me!
July 26th, 2012:
"True story: Darby just asked for a cappucino."
August 5th, 2012:
"Darby just asked David and Paige if they would like a Mojito. Since we haven't made Mojitos in a good 10 years, and we don't order them when we go out, I'm not quite sure where she's picking this stuff up!"
August 6th, 2012:
"NO LIE: JUST after I told Darby's Opthomologist about Darby offering David and Paige Mojitos last night, and right after I told him I was thinking of writing a book similar to 'Marley and Me' about Darby-I LOST DARBY at Children's National Medical Center. She walked out the door. I walked out right behind her, and she was GONE. Receptionists, Nurses and Opthomologists alike were running up and down the second floor looking for her. Where did we find her? In the SAME ROOM we had just exited. I tell ya, there is MAGIC in that hair!!!"
I just love Darby's Ped. Opth. You can tell the man just loves his job, and because of that, I love him. He is so genuine, happy, good with kids, and lastly, he has impeccable bedside manners, but he blew my mind on this particular trip.
After the doctor took a look at Darby, he chatted with her. I told him that we were driving the other day, and she asked if she could have a cappucino. He busted up laughing, and then I told him that we had two young friends come over the other night, and she offered them Mojitos (more laughter). He said he could have used a Mojito the previous night (him and me, both). I then explained that I have no idea where she got the idea, because we don't even have the ingredients to make those in our house! And, we don't order them when we go out. I told him that I could go on and on with stories like that, and that I was thinking about writing a book with all her shenanigans, that it would be similar to the book "Marley and Me." More laughter. So, we made our way to the door, and Darby slipped out while I received my instructions to come back in three months. I gathered Tate and Naomi, and we exited the room not 4 seconds after the Redhead. Darby was gone.
I don't easily freak out about stuff, so I just looked down the hallway, asked the secretary and nurses if they had seen her leave the room, and then looked in the waiting area. No Darby. I ran down the other hall. No Darby. In no time, the nurse manager was running the halls with me. I told Tate to go one way, and Naomi and I went the other way. I stopped by the elevators to see if she had gone by there. I stopped by random rooms to see if she had joined someone else's appointment. I ran, ran, ran, and so did her Pediatric Opthamologist and an army of nurses. We were ALL chasing Darby on the second floor of Children's National Medical Center. When I had run two laps, I ran back past our doctor's area again and heard her doctor exclaim, get this, IN THE ROOM WE HAD JUST EXITED, "Darby! HOW did you get back in HERE?!" He was still all smiles. That's why the man gets 3 gold stars. He was astonished. A few nurses ran in when they heard him exclaim, "I FOUND HER!" I then heard him explain, "I don't KNOW! Her mom left the room not 10 seconds after she did!" I ran in, thanked the doctor profusely, and made some sort of joke about how I was going home to start my book that very day.
Basically, Darby almost threw the entire hospital under lock down that day. We almost amber alerted the place. I have NO IDEA how she left the room, disappeared, then then reappeared in the same room she left without a SINGLE SOUL seeing it happen. The thought of it STILL baffles me!
July 26th, 2012:
"True story: Darby just asked for a cappucino."
August 5th, 2012:
"Darby just asked David and Paige if they would like a Mojito. Since we haven't made Mojitos in a good 10 years, and we don't order them when we go out, I'm not quite sure where she's picking this stuff up!"
August 6th, 2012:
"NO LIE: JUST after I told Darby's Opthomologist about Darby offering David and Paige Mojitos last night, and right after I told him I was thinking of writing a book similar to 'Marley and Me' about Darby-I LOST DARBY at Children's National Medical Center. She walked out the door. I walked out right behind her, and she was GONE. Receptionists, Nurses and Opthomologists alike were running up and down the second floor looking for her. Where did we find her? In the SAME ROOM we had just exited. I tell ya, there is MAGIC in that hair!!!"
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